I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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