i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
