you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
