I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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