i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
