I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
