Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
