Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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