Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize