i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
