If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
