Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
