i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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