I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize