So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
