i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
