Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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