like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
