you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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