I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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