Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
