Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
