Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
