So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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