god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
