my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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