Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
