i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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