Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
