Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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