I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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