If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize