it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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