New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
