My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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