What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
