is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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