$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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