Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
