birth control should be required to get into college
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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