hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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