Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The feeling are messing with the penis
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
third nipple confirmed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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