I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
