Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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