my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
