I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
