I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize