fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
