I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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