first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
