this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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