there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
