I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
