Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So much rum. So many feels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
