it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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