can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
