Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
