and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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