saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
