Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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