he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We don't watch enough power rangers
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
