i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
