If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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