I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
