So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize