I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
