you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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