no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize