Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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