so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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