The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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