Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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