Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
