just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
pray to the hookup gods
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
