Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dear god my vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
