and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
