Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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