You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
