I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dick very happy bro
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
