Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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