So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
