I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
