No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
