Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
