You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
