Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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