Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
