Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
