party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
