Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
