the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
