For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
